Ever since Rani was 14…she dreamed about her Raja in shining armour! He had to be tall…not too dark, powerfully built, well educated with a good job & family background & most importantly….no mustache! Absolutely no offending bristles that would inconvenience the resurgence of blossoming love.
As she turned twenty-one, her parents started beating the trail in the quest for the most suitable boy for their lovely princess. There was nothing mediocre about the whole affair. After all, she was the apple of their eyes.
Meanwhile Rani had prepared a list of things that her mum ought to seek with a fine comb when she went groom hunting. The jeans & shoes had to be branded material. Hair – oil free with a slick cut to gel with the fashionistas. A soothing after-shave would be most appealing with a clean look of general hygiene that omitted any existence of a mustache.
Rani’s mum armed with the endorsed list roamed heaven & earth with a magnifying glass & a fine tooth comb. But most of the eligible’s she encountered had a maximum of two counts of semblance from the list.
She was getting all hassled when one day their family friends walked in. They nursed a similar fret about not finding a suitable bride for their son. So momsi asks for the boy’s picture. One look was enough to bring a pleasurable gasp on her lips. It was as if the lad in the picture had dressed up as per Rani’s approbation. The only issue in the whole scheme of things was his proud dauntless mustache! Something that was a big “NO” in bolds in the list!
Mummy dear conspired to try & set things rolling despite this grave lapse. She called Rani & gave her pore by pore description of the charming lad eclipsing the fact about the mustache completely.
The day arrived when the two families met to perhaps unite the young souls. Raja came all suited-booted and did full justice to the goodies spread on the table. His deep focus on the food was second only to Arjuna’s concentration on the parrot’s eye at the behest of his Guru, Dronacharya’s instructions during a lesson in archery. Every little dish was appreciated & Rani was left wondering if this creepy mucchad* wanted to marry a cook or a charming girl such as herself. His moustache made her experience suicidal tendencies. She felt totally hopeless!
The next day, in a bid to impress & make-up for his past evening’s dismal performance…Raja went over to pick Rani from her work place. Seeing him astride a Bullet which agreeably qualifies as the worthy cousin of the Harley Davidson, Rani was suitably impressed. He looked dapper and very much the new aged knight in his checkered shirt and woodland shoes…. a few bulges thrown in at the right places.
Rani’s resolve to staunchly refuse Raja after the food binge began to diminish just a wee bit. Mum was right! The facial hair was indeed ones own farm & therefore one could either grow or harvest it at their own will….she thought rather encouragingly! She was also confident of her charming capabilities when the goal was a matter of a life & death situation such as this one. And if there was an iota of doubt lurking in Rani’s mind…it disappeared as she looked at Raja. His silly winsome grin touched his ear lobes assuring Rani of her convincing attributes.
In a fit of heady recklessness that comes knocking whenever Cupid aims at its unsuspecting victims….Rani agreed to the marriage proposal without much ado. She graciously accepted his suggestion of being dropped home after catching some coffee & the affectionate couple sped away into the sunset.
The next day came as a rude shock to Rani when she learned that the swanky Bullet that Raja had rode…the very same Bullet that had helped her resolve her dilemma in the moment of panic was in fact not his. Since Raja was philosophically related to the Raja Harishchandra* clan….he had to set a few records straight. He confided that the bike had been borrowed from his best friend. A shocked Rani inquired what machine he presided over to which he dolefully enlightened that it’s the ever reliable Vespa scooter.
Rani was inconsolable! How could she have been so careless? She quickly excuses herself to call her mum to calm her frayed nerves wondering simultaneously if the woodland shoes that he had worn were his. Mum pacifies stating that they could always buy a new bike in future. And since this individual was an epitome of human niceness, she should shed all inhibitions coz every story has a start-up problem.
Meanwhile the scary thick coarse bristles still gave her nightmares. She would dream of them piercing deep into her skin leaving ugly sting marks. A plan needed to be hatched quickly before the proximate D-day.
The very next day she called Raja draping her voice in the silkiest tone. The unsuspecting Raja had graduated these days from his machine tool designs to day dreaming about his dew fresh bride-in-waiting. One look at her name flashing on his cells screen makes him dive for the cell phone literally bringing about a mini earthquake similar to a 2.5 at the ritcher. A quick plan for a rendezvous & the call ends with tingling hopes on either side!
Raja felt completely silly. But perhaps, love did strange things to people. He reported at the coffee shop a trifle early to find Rani walking in from the opposite direction. Both laughed as they recognized a certain eagerness in each others eyes. Coffee was ordered & small talk made. Likes dislikes shared!
Rani asked if Raja loved trekking in the remotest of jungles where one had to make way cutting through the bush with ones hatchet. His eyes widened in amazement. How lucky to share the same passion with your life partner indeed!
He said yes! Yes! That’s a lovely past time & one that he always looked forward to. As he gushed about how nice it was to find her loving such adventures, she confided that she hated such outings but would nevertheless indulge….just for his sake!
She further asked if he loved watching the grand prix on ESPN?
Yes! Oh yes! I love it…he said.
Well…it was not her cup of tea but since Raja liked it, she would try & understand the nuances of the sport…just for his sake!
As the evening progressed, calibration regarding food took over. Kebabs & fish fry are my favourites, Raja shared. She was a vegetarian by choice but promised she would learn to cook all that…just for his sake!
Raja’s happiness knew no bounds. He was one darn lucky bloke to have met this dream girl who looked like a little goddess & nurtured like a mother. Her supportive disposition was making his heart swell with benevolence. He wanted to do anything to make her happy. After all, he was going to be her friend, philosopher & guide. Raja wanted to know if there was something that Rani wanted out of him.
Viola! This was her precious chance & she grabbed it with both hands. She whispered shyly if he could just do away with his soup strainer….it would make her extremely happy! As the truth of what Rani had asked dawned, he was already knee deep into quick sand. But one look at the love of his life made him pledge inwardly that it would be done away with sooner than tomorrow.
The rest of the evening stretched on with some lively chatter courtesy Rani & some gloomy sulks courtesy Raja. The snug warm feeling he felt in the upper lip area would be a thing of the past. The thought of how naked he would feel was depressing to say the least. But anything for meri jaan* he resolved!
Glossary –
* mucchad – a slang for a man with mustache
* Hraishchandra – A king known for being honest & truthful
* Meri Jaan – My beloved
Copyright © BuntysBanter 2007
