A woman in love is a tormented soul!

A woman in love is a tormented soul
She craves for the touch…
A feeling of entwining of the body & the soul
And embarking on journeys of rich ecstasy
That saps away the energies and yet leaves you feeling strong

A woman in love is a tormented soul
She craves for a consciousness that is steeped in togetherness
That brings in an immense aura of exploding galaxies
A bond that glows in thick character and faith
A connection that electrifies the very being
And brings a certain calm to the rapids fast flowing

A woman in love is a tormented soul
She craves the smells that promises his presence
She strings together the feats of selfless gestures
And cobbles up scattered dreams
Pleading with her fate to let them be

A woman in love is a tormented soul
Her world has suddenly shrunk
Accommodating only things that matter the most
Her life has a single goal
To bring a smile on the lips that make her come alive
And pump fire into her spirit

A woman in love is a tormented soul
She’s prepared to walk the path that tests
And brings to its knees great legends
A love so sublime that emits the rays
Of passion that cements forever!

Copyright © BuntysBanter २००८

Finding him in the most unexpected faces!

I have looked for him & found him in the most unexpected faces.

It’s my graduation day. I see mum beaming proudly from her seat. And then there is a void. I do not see him next to her. I miss him!

I have missed him during the festivals, especially Diwali. The building kids would congregate in the compound with their dads & rake up a rukus. They were most kind to me. And yet I would be filled with rage at their kindness.

My birthdays! My school is an odd one. It had this customary thing about the dads dropping their kids on their birthdays. Like all the kids I would prance to school with my uncle and flaunt shamelessly. Of course, I automatically developed selective hearing towards questions about who had dropped me. Some secrets are good for the confidence.

The first rains were occasions of immense frolick! We kids would race up to the terrace & get drenched. We had this funny antiquated jig that brought us immense joy. My uncle joined us in this merry making & would hoist his kids on his shoulders to do a little bhangra. He seemed kind and once in a while I would get hoisted on his powerful shoulders too.

Then that one day when the rains brought havoc to our city. As everything came to a stand still and reports of people getting swept away poured in, I prayed to God more fervently to protect my mum the most and why not? There was no one to look out for her unlike the other mummies. I helplessly missed you then.

I have a creative mind and yet I struggled with the sketches in the art class. As the pressure built up with others submitting beautiful assignments, I began to withdraw into my protective cocoon. And then I saw you peeping out of my art teacher’s eyes. He gathered me to a quite corner & covered my apprehensive gait with his soothing words of encouragement. My pencil lost its stutter from then on.

If ever I was late being home, I saw you in my nanu’s wrath.

In my growing years I was sometimes relieved of your absence. At least my guy friends were not getting grilled unfairly by your possessiveness. On hindsight, I missed that too. Was it right to be let off with a stranger all alone just like that without any background checks etc?

And now graduation day! It’s a whole new chapter from here on. There are bridges to build & paths to thread. One might end-up at a fork with tough choices to make. It would have been easier having you around to help me place my winning bet.

I continue my journey knowing that I will once again see you peeping through some face that cares. There is no dearth of angels and yet I miss you…..

Glossary –
Bhangra – Punjabi folk dance.
Nanu – Maternal grandfather।

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

Tangy beckoning!

This morning as I look out of the window
A bunch of young, raw mangoes beckon to me
To tug at them, drawing them close,
And taste life’s tangy tastes once again!

Oh when did the tree bear fruits?
I have been oblivious far too long
And missed out on some enchanting moments
Of pure, simple, unadulterated pleasures
That delights our senses
Seeing a pregnant laden tree!

The bulbul has returned
And hopping around in an endeavour
To build a love nest
Where the little ones would thrive
In luxuriant profundity

Our garden creeper too
Is not far behind
Has grown little tendrils
Of the exploring kinds!

Everyone seems to come to life
As summer approaches
With resplendence warmth
And I’m swept once again in its activity!

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

बहुत अजीब है यह ज़िन्दगी

बहुत अजीब है यह ज़िन्दगी
कब किस मोड पर आकर रुक जाती है बगैर
कोइ रुकावट की आगाह किये

लडखडाते...…सम्भल्ते अपने आप को समझाते
कि यह अनुभव भी हमे कुछ न कुछ तो निशचिन्त रुप सेसिखायेगाही
ह्रिदय को निचोडती है कुछ पल
जब खालिपन डट कर बैठ जाति हैशून्य को केन्द्र बानाये
मन हताश …कौन सम्झाये?

घडि के कांटो को जैसे किसि बलवानने
दाबोच लिया है अपने पूरी शक्ति से
ना छ्ठ रहे हैं उदासीनता के बादल
ना ठंडक मिल रही है ह्रिदय को सुबह कि ओस की ताज़गी से

ना उम्मीद झांक रहि है
खिलते पंखडीयों की तरह
ना बसन्त आस पास फटक रहि है जैसे की कोइ शिकवा हो

बस यही आसरा है कि
ऐसे दिनो की भी अन्त होती है
समय मरहम लगाती है
और एक दिन गेहेरी घाव भी
एक दाग बन कर रह जाती है ।

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

Immersing Dad’s ashes!

I asked mum if she minded me immersing Dad’s ashes in the Godavari at Nasik.* She didn’t look surprised. Simply said of course you must! I’m sure this is what he would like from you. It is your dharma.*

The next morning we (Dad & me) bid the Mother Mary grotto next to our apartment farewell for the last time seeking her blessings and packed off to Nasik in two cars with dad sitting next to me in a small earthen pot wrapped in a crisp red cotton cloth।

Dad was the true-blue Patriarch as Patriarchs are meant to be. One who boomed commands! One whom everyone loved & consulted! One who brought two feuding relatives together! One who came to the rescue of his poor relatives. One who instilled in me the value of the human spirit & the significance of relationships!

His demise has made me seek answers from within. My mind wanders aimlessly into the busiest of streets & the narrowest of alleys. Being strong is getting a bit tiring. And yet one look at Ma makes the resolve stronger.

She’s been a toughie too. Forty-three years of togetherness has seen all seasons of life. Their relationship was like an estuary that accepts both, the river as well as the sea in its folds. She seeks him in his face towel. Whenever the dull ache becomes relentless….she pulls out the face towel from its hiding & wipes her face with it. His lingering smell is her comfort.

Adhesive sentiments are making us hold on to a smell….a letter….a book…a memory! Such is the immense love that we feel around us. It’s as if Dad has enveloped my brother & me in his wisdom of togetherness. We are suddenly closer looking out for each other. I wonder what makes people fight over money when they lose their loved ones. The priceless gets under valued perhaps.


* In the Hindu religion, rituals like lighting the funeral pyre & later immersing the departed soul’s ashes in the holy river is done by the husband, son or any other male member of the family. It is not customary for a female to participate in such rituals.

*Dharma – Duty.

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

A tribute to Papa!

There was a time when you breathed life into my broken spirit. You held my hand as I faltered struggling with my circumstances. You made me believe in goodness. You believed in the greatness of my destiny as I struggled with my truncated happiness!

And now you are no more! I look for you in dark corners. They advise to keep the lights on while sleeping. I make the room completely dark just to get a glimpse of you dear Papa! Where are you? I don’t even see you in my dreams. It’s as if I have lost touch with you completely.

It feels cold around the heart। The kind of dank coldness that one feels in gothic structures that’s empty. I have been so used to the glowing warmth that I took it for granted. And now every morning when I get up and I don’t see you about….its a struggle to focus on the regular.

Your glasses…your cell phone….your jacket…your slippers. I have hidden them away like treasures.

How I wish I could sit in a corner all by myself & cry. Grieve my loss!

But there are things to do. Look after the relatives that are pouring in by the dozen. Everyone has a tale to share about their association with you. A sentiment that stings the eye! A respect that makes me proud!

You were the nucleus of the family binding everyone with your rather mawkish emotions. You showered love & expected no less. I sometimes felt overwhelmed! You scorned at the concept of “personal space”. You just didn’t understand such intuited object of thought.

My maverick thoughts befuddled you. But I must give it to you that you tried to understand & relate to the things I cared about.

I remember your sulk last year about not writing about you more often. You were like a child who wanted constant attention. Here I am Papa….only you in my thoughts today!

I have been fortunate to be at your bedside when you breathed your last. I have been fortunate to hold that hand….talk to you….take your blessings!

I have been told to celebrate your life instead of mourning your loss. It makes sense coz you went like a king in power. I’m happy that we will remember you as the family leader and not a fallen hero.

I just want to know if you are happy wherever you are। Can you drop me a hint so I can rest assured?

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

Welcome to the club!

I sat staring at the back of Arjun’s head। It was bent. I noticed the precision of the hair line at the nape indicating a fresh hair cut. His shoulders seemed sagged. Almost defeated! Looking at his crestfallen profile, I could feel a certain rage build inside me. The insides of my eardrums felt hot with the blood gushing to my head as I braced myself to contain the mercurial emotions.

I had joined this school in the seventh grade। It was quite stressful in the initial weeks. The boys ogled most of the times & made fun of anything I said or did. They were a raucous bunch; pretty disorderly in their class-work & audacious when reprimanded by the teachers! I learnt quite a few cuss words attending class with them & enjoyed my mum’s wide eyed expression when I related my new diction to her each evening.

As the exams approached and all of us struggled together with the new course, we became a part of the same group that seemed terrorized by scalene & isosceles triangles। We were bonded by a common skirmish....trigonometry!

Arjun had been kinder than the others. He spoke only when all suggestive body language failed to convey the message. So it would be most appropriate to say that he used his vocal cords sparingly. When Sir Dubey actually paired us to sit together in class, I was most relieved.
Back to what had triggered the blood to flow like molten lava in my veins।

It was the math period & Ms Iyer our class teacher suddenly asked Arjun if his parents were separating। Silence suddenly descended in a fish market of a class. The uncomfortable hush could actually be sliced into thin strips & fed to the crocodiles. Arjun stood there meekly all flushed with an iron tongue. Ms Iyer probed deeper. “What is the reason for the divorce…. Arjun?” She preyed.

We all stared with gapping mouths at Ms Iyer। Had no one taught her any social etiquette? Where was human kindness that our principal talked about relentlessly each morning during the prayers? How could Ms Iyer deport herself like this?

Each one of us could comprehend Arjun’s defeated look except Ms Iyer!

As the class got over, I quickly slid to Arjun’s side & shaking his hand said “Welcome to the club; my parents are divorced too!”

I can bet my entire piggy bank that my smile salvaged Arjun’s shredded confidence to where it belonged। His eyes searched me to share more. And I did. Not because I love to talk about my parents separation. But I owed it to all the kids who are like me. Somebody needed to tell them that they were not alone.

I saw myself in Arjun when Sister Sangita had asked me similar questions three years ago।

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2008

Kaise samjhayen inhe! (hindi poem)

जिनका पेशा है दिलों से खेलना
और अनेकों को नासूर घाव देना
वो केहेते हैं की ज़िन्दगी को इस तरह अपने ऊगलियों के बीच से फ़िसलने ना दो
मुझ पर ऐत्बार कर

हालात ने जिनको सिखाये हैं कुछ चन्द पाठ
उसे केहेते हैं की नज़र अन्दाज़ कर
ज़िन्दगि के मज़े लूट
मुझ से प्यार कर

कैसे सम्झायें इन्हे कि
मासूमियत पलट कर वपस नहीं आती
लाख करो उसे तलाश
प्रत्यक्श ना पाओगे उसे

दिल तोडना आपकी फ़ितरत है
मरहम लगाना आप क्या जाने
भावनाओं से गुथी हुई माला से तप करना आप क्या जाने
बस बेहेते चले जा रहे हैं
बिन किनारे प्रवाह की तरह
कभी सोचा है कितनी सांत्वना है गम्भीर्ता में?

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2007

Words fail me – Taare Zameen Par (An analysis)

Words fail me। There is so much within that I want to express। How much I love you all. How much I strive harder each time I fail. And yet, every time I try hard….its all the more frustrating. My struggle to express is a secret that I keep buried deep within. I have started believing everyone around me when they call me a duffer!

There is so much more to learn & explore than just Ms loreto’s class. The fish that I find swimming in the shallow monsoon created pools. Where do they come from? And where do they go when its winter coz the pool dries up.

The ice-candy man! Who taught him to make such marvelous pieces of dripping art? And that liberation in using the coloured flavours. Wow! He’s given me an idea to paint his latest creation. The same one that is melting in my mouth right at this moment!

I hate Vicky and his bunch of goons. They beat me every time I miss to catch the ball. I didn’t do it on purpose. But who can relate to that big fat numbskull? And my teachers…I don’t know why they celebrate teachers day! I have yet to meet a kind one who believes me when I tell them that I didn’t goof up on purpose & neither am I lazy. Well…forget about the unpleasantness. I need to go…play with Tommy & his gang. They all love me like crazy & wait for me to come back from school every day. One look at me coming and their tails go wag waaag waaaag! *giggles*

Words fail me. There is so much within that I want to express. How much I love my boy. How much I strive hard each time he fails. And yet, the more effort I make…..the worse he fairs. My two boys! So different in their temperaments! It is so confusing. My confidence as a good parent is fast ebbing. I feel lost! I hardly make any efforts with my elder one & he excels. His father calls it genetic excellence. But my younger boy…the one that I fawn over the most! No matter how much I try, everything seems to be falling apart. He’s getting messier….falling back in his studies, throwing rage tantrums & what not! For once in my life….I’m not sure I can understand the rights & wrongs of my situation.

Words fail me! There is so much within that I want to express. My younger bro is a darling! He’s such a champ when it comes to expressing himself with colours. Why is he so slow with his home-work then? It hurts when my other school mates poke fun at him. I defend him when I’m around….which is not the case most of the times. But I believe in him & one day I know he will prove everyone wrong. Especially mummy-papa!

Words fail me! There is so much within that I want to express. My grueling schedule doesn’t allow much time for frivolities. It is a rat race out there & I’m the best they can get in my field. Success & I go hand in hand. I have been an achiever all through my life & did my parents proud. One has to have a killer’s instinct if one wants to be at the helm of things.

I feel I have done it all. An excellent job…a wonderful family…et all. Wait a minute. My younger one has been a cause to worry off late. His pathetic grades speak of a callous approach. I’m afraid his laziness will one day be a cause for his failure. With his kind of attitude, he needs discipline. An iron fist that can enforce him to fall in line & get serious with life!

Words fail me! There is so much within that I want to express. There is this student in my art class whose eyes wrench at my heart-strings! I see a certain pathos that’s most disturbing. I see him give up on life. I see me in him! I know his pain & will not let him suffer the way I did as a child.

He is a kid with an above average intelligence. But he doesn’t know that. I have to claw for his attention. But my determination is rock hard. It’s just a matter of peeling off the rough surface to reveal the softness within. He needs to be loved. He must get back his lost childhood. Someone must make him realize his potential. He’s born for greater purposes. It’s just that he does not know it yet.

Words fail me! There is so much within that I want to express. This is a movie with its heart in the right place. This is a movie that every adult, even if they are not parents should watch. This is a movie that every child should watch & become aware of the greatness that’s present inside each one of them. It just needs to be explored & its potential exposed.

I had a fair idea of what dyslexia was all about. And yet…this movie jolted me. It filled my knowledge with colours of emotions that I didn’t know existed. It brought a certain humanness in my outlook that was absent due to ignorance. It powered me as a parent to celebrate the presence of my child in my life. It motivated me to understand my kid’s potential & work on it. It made me realize that our kids are not here to fulfill our dreams. No parent has a right to push their kids in directions that exaggerate their weaknesses. We must learn to let them be! We must learn to love more, give more & expect nothing in return.

Copyright © BuntysBanter 2007

एक सन्कल्प

एक सन्कल्प

जिधर देखूं .....हर एक के दिल से तमन्ना झांकती नज़र आति है
कुछ दिल में गर्माहट् लाने वाली
और कुछ दिमाग को थन्ड कर्ने वाली
नया साल फिर से अपनी मूंह लप्-लपाते आयेगा
और हमसे ढेर सारी सन्कल्प ले जयेगा
कुछ हस्ते-हस्ते वादे होंगे
कुछ रुस्ठ भरे इरादे होंगे
कुछ दिन तडप-तडप के जियेंगे
फिर ताथैया नाच!

इन सब पर्वो का क्या मतलब है?
कोइ भोजन बरबाद करे
और कोई तडपे चन्द दानो को लेकर

मनही मन मुस्काती हूं मैं
जरूर इश्वर की प्यारी हूं मैं
भरि-पुरि परिवार की हूं मैं
पुरे जग से क्या है लेना
बस मुझे हताश ना करना
बस मुझे हताश ना करनाल

Copyright © BuntysBanter २००७